Let Me Be in the Front Line

I haven't thought of what I really wanted to become as a doctor. I have been thinking of becoming a surgeon, obgynecologist, cardiologist, or probably an endocrinologist, but I have not decided yet. Maybe, the reason for this is that I am still in first year and I still have a long way to go. I also think that exposure to my current core subjects will not suffice for my decision-making.

When I was in college, I can answer indubitably people asking me regarding this matter. I would automatically say, neurosurgery. For all you know, this is only due to my favorite medical drama, Grey's Anatomy. After taking neuroscience, I realized how hard this subject is; I realized that it is so much easier said than done. I did excel in that subject, but I did not find that 'factor' which will allow me to decide that this is my specialty.

I am about to take a master's program in biological sciences. I have several reasons (previous post) why, but the point is, I aim for magnanimity. I want to be complete when I face the real world. I want to have the perfect weapon; I want my curriculum vitae, astounding. I hope that by taking this program, it would help me hone my skills, and put me in a position wherein I can finally see what my strengths are.

I would have to admit that I still have doubts on what I can really do. This is not being humble, but I really think, as of now, I don't have what it takes to be a surgeon, or what have you. I think I need to be exposed (more) to so many things before I can really say what I am really capable of. In short, I am not yet confident. Many people are telling me how great my experiences are or how my knowledge have grown; I think they are not even satisfactory. In reality, I do have this internal strife.

I am just hoping for greatness, not to have something to brag about, but for personal satisfaction and for my family to become proud of me. I want to serve as a role model to many people, especially to my younger cousins and my sister. I want them to see how good it is to take on various opportunities, witness my mistakes, and my ways that brought me through the years. This is so that, by the time they're about to face the same problem, they would already know what to do. Or probably, they wouldn't have to face this kind of strife.

Let me be in the front line.